


Knotting but Pizza. (too cheesy?)

by Stilienski



Series: Sterek ficlets [5]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Horrible Puns, M/M, References to Knotting, maybe don't read if you don't like puns
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-31
Updated: 2016-01-31
Packaged: 2018-05-17 10:51:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,163
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5866537
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stilienski/pseuds/Stilienski
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Stiles is curious about absolutely knothing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Knotting but Pizza. (too cheesy?)

**Author's Note:**

> If you couldn't gather from the title or summary, here's an honest warning: terrible puns ahead.
> 
> This is for the lovely weirdo who brought this [gem of a pizza](http://miggylol.tumblr.com/post/138221538240/garbagetiger-kazard-skyecandi) to my attention.

Stiles was an issue he really didn’t need in his life. Stiles was loud and nosy and too smart for his own good. Stiles could be kind of cute and interesting and his lips were-. Stiles was annoying and could never sit still for a second. Stiles had no self-preservation whatsoever and no boundaries. Stiles was a pain in the ass and he should really learn to not get on Derek’s nerves all the time, because if he barged in on a fight with that stupid bat one more time, Derek was going to kill him. If Stiles made one more joke that involved putting a werewolf on a leash, Derek was going to tie him up to a tree and leave him to starve to death. And god forbid, if Stiles ever asked him about werewolfsex ever again, Derek was going to tie him up and give him a first-hand experience that would blow his mind so much that he could never ever ask such stupid questions again.

And yes, that was a promise.

A promise he made to himself, though. He didn’t tell Stiles quite as much. He kept the threat to the bare necessity, a simple but solid “I’m going to rip your throat out” should do it… or so he thought.

To be fair, it worked for a while, the “while” just didn’t last that long. Stiles had behaved for almost 3 whole weeks till he started to get that curious look in his eyes, till he started to do the little nervous legbounces whenever he was sitting anywhere near Derek. 3 weeks of good behaviour, but then Stiles got that air of impatience over him and together with the curiosity, Derek knew that it wasn’t going to be long till Stiles broke down.

The stage of him just being impatient and giving all the werewolves these incredibly annoying quizzical looks lasted another 2 weeks. And that was new. Usually Stiles lasted about a day before he just spilled whatever it was that was on his mind. But not this time. 14 days, so it must have been something big.

Derek was so scared of whatever it may be that was bothering Stiles, he almost didn’t invite him to the next pack meeting. It took Scott’s and Isaac’s combined begging looks – Derek refused to describe it as “puppy eyes” – to make him cave and shoot Stiles a text as well. Derek was perfectly aware that Isaac wasn’t begging for Stiles, Isaac couldn’t care less about the annoying little shit, which probably meant that whatever Stiles was so nervous about asking, Isaac wanted to know as well, or at least see Stiles’ humiliation. Which in turn meant that Isaac and Scott already knew about whatever it was the human had got stuck in his head this time. So they didn’t know the answer, maybe Derek wouldn’t know it either, maybe he would be able to get away from Stiles’ invasive interview with his mental health intact.

Right now, Derek was even more confused. They’d agreed to meet up at his loft at 7 in the evening. Everyone was there already except for Stiles, who had never been late before. So the alpha found himself nervously glancing at the door every couple of seconds even though he knew he would hear the ridiculous noise of that deadbeat jeep from a mile away.

Erica was currently trying to get everyone into watching this new show she was obsessed about because it should teach all of them ignorant guys something about a well-written female lead character, since they couldn’t have possibly have encountered one of those before.

“If Stiles were here he’d have convinced all of you in seconds. He’s probably seen every episode of Jessica Jones twice already. As should you! At least Stiles can appreciate good television.” Two seconds later, the rumbling of Stiles’ jeep came in through the open window.

“Speaking of the devil,” Isaac said with this ridiculous glint in his eyes which earned him a shove from Scott. Derek had trouble keeping his pokerface in check, only Stiles could ever do that to him, egg him on so much that he had to actively think about not showing anything on his face.

The sound of Stiles’ hurried and stumbling footsteps on the stairs brought with them the scent of food. Since when did Stiles bring food to pack meetings? He’s usually the first one to remind Derek of his duties as the alpha of the pack.

Derek was about ready to jump from the couch and drag Stiles in if he took one more deep breath in front of that closed door. And he apparently wasn’t the only one as Scott sighed and let his head fall in his hands.

“Hey everyone! I come carrying the gift of pizza!” He said as he raised the pizza boxes in greeting.

“I thought the food was my job?” Derek snapped.

“It is, but you always mess up the order somehow. So I figured I’d give it a shot. Don’t worry, I kept the receipt, you can pay me back.”

“You said it was a gift.” He grumbled back, but he already knew that there was no point in arguing with Stiles.

“Yes, it is a gift. Part of a gift exchange. I give you pizza, you give me money. Amazing how it all works out, isn’t it?” Stiles said cockily as he started to get the pizza boxes out of the bag.

Derek thought that after all these packnights Stiles would’ve known his order by now, but apparently not. “What’s this?” He didn’t even know why he bothered to ask. He figured it was payback after messing Stiles’ order up each and every time.

“Oh, yeah, I got you something extra special to make up for the fact they didn’t have your usual.” You didn’t have to be a werewolf to notice that was a blatant lie. Though Derek didn’t necessarily mind the blush on Stiles’ cheeks.

“Are you trying to tell me they didn’t have a pepperoni pizza?”

“I’m not _trying_ to tell you that, I’m pretty sure that was the exact message that just left my mouth very successfully.”

Scott butted in proudly: “To do or not to do, there is no such thing as try.”

“Oh for the love of god. Seriously Scott? It’s bad enough you still haven’t watched the movies, but can you please stop murdering the quotes?”

“Stiles, what the fuck is this? It barely even looks like a pizza!”

“What are you talking about? It’s round and it has cheese on top and it looks delicious. How does that not look like a pizza?” Derek glared in response and decided it was best to avoid this conversation before he lost his patience. So he got up to get himself a drink, to hell if he was bringing Stiles anything.

When he came back, sipping from his coke, Stiles was still standing next to the couch with his thinking face on.

“Okay, fine. Do you want to switch? You get my Meatlovers and I’ll take your knot.” He nearly spat out his drink.

“You’ll take my whatnow?”

“Your knot. It’s a garlic knot pizza.” _The little shit knew exactly what he was saying._

“Yeah, let’s switch, it’s been a while since I’ve had a meatlover anyway.” Stiles squinted at him, trying to determine if that was a pun or not.

“Good. I love to try new things. Experimenting and stuff.”

“Yeah, I bet you do.” As a werewolf of 23, you’d think he’d know at what volume to speak so it wouldn’t be audible to humans.

“Oh yeah, and why’s that?” Stiles replied while Isaac was chuckling and Scott looked like he wanted to disappear.

“I thought you wanted to go study forensics or something? Doesn’t that involve experiments and stuff?”

“Right.” Stiles rolled his eyes as he finally went to sit down next to Erica. They started talking about that show she mentioned earlier and of course Erica had been right. In under 5 minutes, Stiles had basically convinced everyone to at least give it a try.

Derek had to admit it did seem like a good tv-show. “David Tennant?” he was just trying to be a good alpha and join in in the conversation.

“Yeah, he played doctor who for a bit.”

“I know, he’s my favourite doctor. So Scott, how is the studyi-“

“No, no, no, hold up for a second there. Not only do you - the grumpy werewolf with a caveman vibe who we all presumed lived under a rock for years – watch doctor who, but you also have a favourite doctor?”

“Yes I watch doctor who, it’s something Cora and I used to do together. And when you watch that show you can’t help but get a favourite doctor.”

“You do _not_ disappoint. Pun intended.” Stiles winked and shoved one of the garlic knots in his mouth.

“Look Scott, I have the entire knot in my mouth!” it was going to be a long night….

Stiles made a point of each ball he ate, always making sure Derek noticed it. And for whatever reason, he decided to drink his coke with a straw. He was driving Derek crazy and the little fucker knew it.

 

It wasn’t long before the conversation died down a bit and they all just decided to watch some baseball game that was on. Derek was just getting up to clean up his now empty pizza box when Stiles struck again.

“You got that entire thing in you huh, big guy? I guess you are more of a meatlover than I thought.” Derek was starting to think that Stiles had prepared each and every pun during the weeks leading up to this. “Do you want to wolf down the rest of this? Because I am stuffed so full of knots I seriously don’t think I can get another crumb of that pizza in me.” Derek had had about enough of this situation.

“Stiles, if there’s something you need to say, just spit it out.”

“Spit it out? I thought you’d like me to swallow… my words and never speak again.” The shithead thought he was being so clever. It only took one glare to make him shut up for half an hour again. Well, at least he didn’t make any innuendos for those 30 minutes.

“Okay, I can’t take it anymore. Derek for the love of god, please tell me. Can werewolves pop a knot or not?” To be honest, Derek was quite surprised Stiles finally grew the balls to ask him directly instead of just dancing around it all night.

“We can knot.” He replied, knowing full well what that sounded like.

“Are you serious? Oh my god how does that even wor- wait… can you or can’t you? Did you say “knot” or “not”?”

“For fuck’s sake, Stiles, why do you even want to know this? Do you have the ambition to become a werewolf?” Scott was clearly even more uncomfortable than Derek was. And his eyes were practically begging the world to stop this madness, and probably begging Derek to not encourage his best friend.

“Oh hell no, I would not be able to put up with the facial hair just being there when I’m all werewolf-y. That would just be sad. Doesn’t mean I don’t have any ambitions concerning werewolves. Maybe one day I may date a werewolf. Maybe one day I’ll need to be prepared for sexy times with a werewolf.”

For the first time that night Boyd butted in on the ridiculous conversation Stiles had been pushing for. “Don’t make this more confusing than it needs to be, Stiles. Stop saying “werewolf” when you mean Derek.”

“Oy! I never sai-“

“Oh get knotted, Stiles!” Erica snapped, clearly having enough from the whole beating around the bush act.

“Is this why you didn’t want to answer my questions? Just because you want me to be humiliated in front of the guy you think I have a crush on – which is none of your business by the way – because oh my god that is just mean and cruel and all kinds of wrong. I thought we were friends!”

“We are friends! That doesn’t mean you need to know everything about our sex lives!” Derek could tell from Scott’s face that this had been going on for a long time.

“That’s not fair! You know everything about mine.” Stiles whined.

“Because you don’t have one, Stiles!”

“Low blow, bro… not cool. You know I would totally tell you everything.” As annoying as Stiles could be, he could also be ridiculously cute.

“I could give you a story or two to tell.” Stiles jaw dropped, as did Scott’s. Isaac fell on the floor laughing and Boyd and Erica shared a knowing smirk.

The first time Derek rendered Stiles speechless was when he spat out that ridiculous line, the second time was when he swallowed.


End file.
